Love, love, love. I feel like I know so much, I feel like I know so little. It is important, no doubt about that. As I wrote in my previous postings, I was dumped in December after almost two years. It was one of the toughest months of my life. I was so in love, or so I thought. Today while reading in class I read "Love begins to be a demon, the moment it begins to be a god." I was consumed with love for this girl. I should have been focused on my love for God. I put my security in her. I put my everything in her and was so hurt after we broke up. Looking back, I realize how much I did care about her, but I cared so much that I forgot about God. I was living a life that wasn't glorifying Him. Today was tough for me. I haven't been living a good life and it hurts me to realize how much change is really needed. Lewis really connects to me on an emotional level because he was very much like me. He was a sinner and lived how he wanted to. His life has given me hope to change. And I am so glad I took this class to learn about his life and realize the changes needed before it was too late. I figured, I'm at a Christian school, I read my Bible, I listen to praise music. I'm completely fine. I'm not. I need an understanding and a love for Christ beyond anything imaginable in order to really truly honestly call myself a Christian.
Throughout my blogs I have realized how much I need to change about my life. This class really has taught me to develop a Christian mind. And for that I am eternally grateful. I have learned so much about myself and about the way I should live and ways in which I can change it. Love is something that has to start with God. Once I love God, then and only then, will I be able to share my love with someone else. I am so impatient and so wanting, that I want to pave my own road to love. I want to do things my way. I am Italian and my mom always says that all Italians are hard headed. I need God to soften my head and also my heart. I need to be open to all people and things and ideas.
I see the love that our professors have for each other and it is so beautiful. They do not seem like they are sick of each other, they never quarrel, they are always laughing and smiling when they are around each other. Their relationship is centered around Christ. That is so important in love.